A new holiday

Create a new holiday (e.g. Talk Like a Pirate Day). Include the origins and any special rituals of your day

Once upon a time, long long ago, people were happy and carefree. They would laugh and smile. Games would be played with other people. Conversations were about plans for the day, and how to make the day as enjoyable as can be. Little People would run about, with big grins and rosy cheeks as they chased after balls or dug in the dirt to find bugs.

Then the Dark Times came and everything became so serious. Responsibilities and "issues" kept people quiet and busy. Too busy to play. Everyone seemed to be under a cloud of gloom and worry. It was a very sad time.

Then The Faery-Fun Queen decided enough was enough. She waved her beautiful magic faery wand and sprinkled Faery-Fun Dust over the land. It was as if a kaleidoscope of good times and laughter rained down upon the Busy People. They stopped and looked at each other. Slowly, their serious faces began to smile. Laughter, a sound not herd for many years, rang out. The Little People, afraid to make a sound started to giggle, then laugh! It was a magical moment. Once again, the land was a joyful one.

In honor of the Faery-Fun Queen, every day is now declared to be a Happy One. To celebrate the day, smiles and laughter must be seen and heard. People must look forward to having time to relax and be with other happy people. Children are required to be kids. "issues" and worries must be put aside for a part of the day, so that the heart may smile as well.

Long live the Faery-Fun Queen!

Ummm, maybe I should do this one later....

If you procrastinate, what is your most popular excuse
and why?


My procrastination ties into my perfectionism. I want it to be perfect. So if I want to make a special dinner, I want to wait until the house is clean, and everyone is happy. (no they don't ever seem to happen at the same time.

Or I want to be able to have "enough" time. When I paper scrapped I "had to have" at least a few hours, I couldn't just pull out a few things and squeeze in a bit here and there. And that mentality goes for many things in my life. This is hard because due to my schedule- kids, bus stop runs, errands, working, karate, gymnastics,etc-- there are very few decent chunks of time in my life. (Which is a huge reason I love to digi-scrap!)
It makes it "easy" to procrastinate because it seems like never enough time to get started, let alone finished.
And for the record, I started this one yesterday morning and here I am, finishing it up today. :)

TV shows

Of all the TV programs, which one have you watched the most? Why?
Is it connected in some way to your life and/or perspective?

I am actually not much of a tv person, I would rather read than watch tv. But in the last year, since we got the DVR (digital recorder, like Tivo) with our cable package, it feels like i am watching more tv than ever.

Right now I like mostly the crime dramas; CSI, NCIS, Law and Order and so on. I used to like comedies, like Friends but my life seems pretty serious still. Doesn't feel like there is much to laugh at.

However I am enjoying a couple of comedies. I gotta get my Jon Stewart/Steven Colbert fix. I watch the re-runs at 8-9 pm. They are always good for a laugh. I recently heard that there are Stewart/Colbert for Prez t-shirts. I think I should get one-- I'd vote for them.

Healing

II know that this prompt was from days ago, but I felt it was important for me to write some of this down.

Right now, i do not know how to heal. I am focusing on survival. Day by day- really at some times minute by minute.
What I need to remember is that I have healed before. Maybe not allothe way- the hurts and fears are still there. Just more "dealable." The last couple of years have been a roller coater with enormous ups and downs. The fact that there have been ups- some even for extended periods of weeks and months lets me know, I can feel happy again. Sadly I have also come to learn to not trust that feeling. I know that is something I am going to need to work on-- when I amable to feel healed.

Survival- keeeping one foot in from of the other, keeping my kids lives as stable as possible. That is what I need to focus on. The healing will come in time.

Sadly therapy has been over for a little less than a year. My treatment for' the ED was ended very abruptly by my insurance company as they had deemed me "medically stable. My treatment was to be to intensive outpatient-- 21-24 sessions, three nights a week. After 12 sessions, they said I was not going to be covered any more b/c I was not losing any more weight. My team was able to fight for me to get 4 more sessions. Obviously not enough as all I had to eat yesterday was a few pieces of lettuce and a tomato and cheese sandwich.

But I know if I ever do want to heal, that starving of myself has to stop. I do know that. At the time it seems like the only way to numb the pain and gain control.

My psych. therapy also ended- as my insurance was grumbling that I had hit my yearly amount of treatment- and at that point in time I was better.... now I feel like I have nothing to say? Same old shit, different day....

For now, it is important for me to have an outlet. This blogging is a good start. And again, I think all of you fromt he bottom of my heart for all of your good thoughts.
I have to survive by reminding myself of the good I have in life.
I have two beautiful kids, a good extended family, good friends, and the part of me- that may be not feeling it right now-- but the core of me that is strong.

Thanks and many blessings to you all.

Illness

This is going to be a tough entry here for me to write. But I think it is what I have to do. i apologive for grammaticla errors and typos. I just have to get this out.

As some of you have read, my dh has had an "illness" for over two years. he started getting rage attacks, uncontrollable urges in May of 04. He has been on and off disability since then. My family has been through hell and back numerous times over and over in this period. No one knows why this happens, and noo one knows how to stop it. It is terrifying to me that at any moment, he could have an "episode" as we call them. My kids have gone thorugh this hell with me and I have tried to keep them sheltered from it as much as possible. But that is impossible. he just called me fro work, he in the midst of an episode and is trying to talk himself through it without storming out of work, quitting. or breaking something.
I worry constantly for him, for my kids, for my family's future. There aRE DAYS i FEEL THAT i ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LOOK TOWARDS THE FUTURE. Which makes me feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I love him with all of my heart. I want us to be happy like we used to be. We still have really good moments, in between the shit. If I didn't love him so much it would actually be easier for me.
I had been in therapy myself for well over a year, including treatment for my eating disorder. I use food too control myslef when life is out of control. Or I deny food to punish myself? I def, use not eating to keep the pain away- of ht ethoughts and fears. Obsessing about food and calories becomes my "outlet" just like an alcoholic needs a drink to keep his/her mind of the bad stuff.
I am sitting here crying b/c I can't go on somedays. I can't keep the worry and fear away. I can't pretned any more that its ok.
When will this end?

In Laws? Outlaws?

How did you first meet your in-laws? Impressions?


Ye gods, when I first met my InLaws, I was so intimidated by them, especially by his mom. Looking back, I don't really know why, but I was. Perhaps it was because I knew from the very beginning that he was The One. I felt that his dad liked me, but Mom, I simply could not read her.

Here is is 16 years later and I am so blessed to have them in my family. I work for my MIL- kind of like her personal assistant. I clean her house, work on her accounting- odd jobs here and there. I have a flexible schedule and can work at home on occasion. It is just one day a week, but every little bit helps. She pays well and we have a lot of fun together too.

My FIL has been a godsend over the last two years while hubby was sick. He has helped in so many ways.

I know too many people who don't get along with their parents and/or their IL's. I am so incredibly fortunate to have wonderful relationships with both.

PS: That is not to say they are perfect or calm! Not at all! But heartfelt. And that is what really matters.

A Woman's Work is Never Done. Never.

What do you dislike the most about being a housewife(SAHM)or housework in general? What are the best things about this challenging job? (Motherhood and/or housework)

The housework bit is pretty easy to answer. What I dislike most is the drudgery of the tasks that never end. You can never say you are "done" with laundry. Or the dishes. Or dusting. Or just about anything else that has to do with cleaning. It makes it hard, far me anyway, to relax completely because there is always one more thing on my plate. And the kicker of it all is that no one ever really gets to enjoy their "progress" or accomplishment. Once the living room is vacuumed, I have two kids and some hairy pets who will muck it up in no time flat. But the plus side to all of that is when my kids or hubby even say that they love our house and they are happy living here. That makes me feel appreciated at the very least.

One of the hardest things about being a mom is the feeling of being pulled in thousands of directions at the same time. It is hard with the challenges of too much to do and not enough time to do it in. And the feeling that I am always rushing somewhere-- it gets exhausting. And it is depressing. There are too few days where I feel that I can really stop and smell the roses, so to speak, with my family. And that bugs me more than anything. Life is slipping by. And for what? Whatever "it" is, it never seems worth it.

But there is a huge benefit to being a SAHM. My kids. I adore them. I love them more than life and it makes my heart smile when they say that they love me, or that I am the best mom ever. A hug from them is worth thousands of loads of laundry. A kiss would be one million dinners that they said they didn't like. It is the huge amounts of joy they bring me, and the enormous amount of pride I have for them. And I wouldn't trade any of that for the cleanest house, the most gourmet meals and the most free time. They are worth more than all that, and then some.

games and Toys

Describe a childhood game you used to play. Who did you play with? Any special (ie. made-up) rules?

I honestly can't think of a particular game we would play, other than Barbie's or dolls. So what I am going to blog about today is my rant on today's toys and games for kids. I dislike most of the toys on the market, I hate the commercialization of *everything* and I hate the lack of imagination most toys need these days. You should see me walk throught Toys R Us. I mutter madly to myself about all of the recylced garbage that fills the shelves.

Most toys later are overpriced pieces of junk that took no imagination to create, and no imagination to use. For example, a few years ago, when the Hulk movie came out, green hulk hands were all over the commercials and on the store shelves. All you could really do with these is put them on, and hear them make noise when you hit something with them. Great idea! Sounds like loads of appropriate fun! *saracsm*

Then the next year's movie was Fantastic Four. New toy on the market-- come look!! It is a set of hands that make noise when you hit something. But instead of green hulk-y looking ones, they are orange and red, like the Fire/Flame/Whatever guy from the movie. So this company literally recylcles the idea, changes just the color of the hands, and all of the kids who already lost interest in the Hulk hands they have, now want to have the Fire-Guy hands.

I think that these hands were priced at around $25, and I will bet any amount of money that the majority of kids lost interest in them within a week.

So there is my rant. I could go on about how so many kids are lacking in imagination because not the toys do all the work- all you have to do is press a button and the toy tells you what it wants to do or how you need to respond.

What ever happened to the games and toys where you had to think about how to play, you had to use your own voice to make it sing or talk? Or even better, what ever happened to the big box that could be colored and made into a rocket, a pirate ship, a tent, and a cave all on the same day?

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? Not really searched, but I was arrested (drinking in a public place- a golf course at night)


2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster? Sometimes


3. When's the last time you've been sledding? In high school


4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? With someone. Even when Hubby is away, I like the dogs up on the bed with me


5. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, I have even seen one once

6. Do you consider yourself creative? I don't, but other people do


7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Yes. Without a doubt.


8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? (silly, I know ... but very "now") Jennifer. When they broke up, I was honestly sad for her.


9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Yes, I try to be as informed as possible.


10. Do you know how to play poker? Yes.


11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No, but I have felt like it.
!

12. What's your favorite commercial? Hmmm, gotta think...


13. Who was your first love? Scott Jenkins, in High School

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? No


15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? No


16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Yankees


17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Yes, and hated it.


18. How often do you remember your dreams? Bits and pieces every night


19. What's the one thing on your mind? What the heck is happening with my life.


20. Do you always wear your seat belt? Yes


21. What talent do you wish you had? To be able to sketch or draw


22. Do you like Sushi? Yes, but I prefer cooked or smoked rather than raw


23. What do you wear to bed? T shirt
.

24. Do you truly hate anyone? yes.
.

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Jon Bon Jovi :)


26. Do you know anyone in jail? I did , but I don't hang with him any more


27. What food do you find disgusting? Meat that looks like animal (eg: Cornish game hen, roast turkey)- organ meats.


28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Not my good friends, but one two-faced friend that I am no longer friends with. Yes, she deserved it and more.


29. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yes


30. Do you believe in angels and demons? Not really, but I believe in faeries :)

Ugh

I am having a scale crisis however.Life has once again turned itself all around on me and where two weeks ago I was feeling stable and happy- now, again, I have no clue of what is going to happen. This is where my obsession with scales and control over food kick in. I am not in a bad spot yet, and I hope to get through this without to much of a regression. But I got on the scale this morning and was ***. I know I have been restricting a bit, not totally but am consciously not eating all I should be and man, I was so mad that the scale isn't budging.

Thank you for listening, it is helpful for me to be able to get it out-- what I am feeling inside.

Body Image

Are you pleased with what you look like? If you could change any part of yourself what would it be?

Oh this is such a tough one for me. Most people would look at me and say, How pretty, cute shape, etc. What they see, and what I see are two completely opposite things.
A huge part of my eating disorder (ed) is body dismorphia. That means that I have distorted "vision" of how I think I look. I look in the mirror and see rolls of fat, bags under my eyes, double chin...
Sadly, when my ed in in full swing, I hate-- truly despise-- just about everything about myself. My skin, my teeth, my weight, my blubber. On a good day, I can accept and occasionally even admire certain things about me. At those times, I like my hair, think I have a cute smile. But most days I hope for a neutrality towards myself.

If I could change something about my physical appearance today, it would be to tighten and tone all of my muscles, especially those in my thighs, hips and stomach. I hate my stomach! Ii recently started reading a book --oh who is the author- same woman who wrote the Vagina monologues-- Eve Ensler! about women hating there stomachs. It became too painful and soul searching and I put it down.
Maybe this is a signal I should try to read it again.

Me, On Survivor? Not a chance?

Do you think you could ever be on the TV reality show, Survivor? If so-why?
What do you think would be your weakness's, strengths? If not-why?

I do like to camp, don't mind dirt, sun, physical activity and so on, but I could never ever ever ever be on Survivor. or any reality series.

I would not do Survivor for these reasons:

• Bugs
• More bugs
• Other icky creatures
• No ice cream
• Need a comfy bed- I have a bad back
• Where would I get my Zoloft refilled???????
• Need of my own space and privacy, seriously. A few days of being around people with no break would make me insane.

All other reality shows:

• I am too "nice." Meaning I work with others, I am honest and caring. I hate Reality shows because most people on them are back stabbing bitches. I can't play that game. Money is not worth losing my personal values and character.
  

There are many other reasons, but it will just make me aggravated and I don't want to start my day that way. :)

One Slice at a Time

What is the best advice you ever received? What was the situation, and did the advice help?

This is going to sound corny but my dad gave me this advice when I was in college and completely overwhelmed by my course load. He told me the riddle:
Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A: Once slice at a time.

the point of that was to not look at the whole situation, but to work on breaking it down into smaller bits. It helped somewhat when I was in college, but it wasn't until I became a full time SAHM that I really put that advice to good use. Although I think it would have helped better if he used a huge chocolate mountain as an example rather than an elephant!

Proposal = Happy Tears

How were you proposed to? (if not yet married, how would you like to be proposed to?) And did you like your proposal, if you could choose one , what would you like to have happened?

The way hubby proposed to me was really sweet. We had been talking about getting married from the time we were together for only a few months. He was the guy that I met at a party I shouldn't have been at- looked at him and said, that is the man I am going to marry. We were together for 5 months at Christmas time, when he gave me a "pre" engagement ring. At about 8 months or so, we started looking at ring style ideas. His dad's best friend was a jeweler so Gary really wanted to help design and make the ring, which he did. However, as our one year anniversary got closer, he kept telling me that the ring wasn't going to be ready by then, as we had planned.

So our one year anniversary hits, and we had plans to go to the restaurant where we had our first date- (I even requested the same table which was a crappy little one by the support beam pole, got weird looks from the waitress at that request-). As he was picking me up at my house, my mom said how pissy I looked. Well, I was pissy! I was hoping to get engaged, and it wasn't happening.

So we get to the pub. And while we are waiting for our dinner, he hands me a card(one of the few mushy cards I ever got from him LOL) and is says how much he loves me. He signs is "All you have to do is say yes." Confused, I say Yes?
And out pops a little black velvet box with my ring in it. I Was jumping up and down and crying and laughing. The bartender sent over some beers in honor of the moment.

It was exactly as I had hoped. Happy, tearful and surprised!

OMG! *laugh-snicker-snort*

Give us an example of your voice. What phrases do you say a lot? Do you use them in your writing as much as you do vocally or do you "clean up" your writing?

Well, you all want to know about my "voice." Ya sure? LOL I have an interesting voice, both vocally and in writing. I have a lot of catch phrases that I use when I talk, most of which must date me with the younger crowd.

• Nice! Awesome! Sweet!
  
• Frickin' (not my most nicest phrase, but better than the alternative)
• Yay!!
  

I also use a lot of exclamation points when I write. Just in case you didn't notice ha ha! I also talk with a of of exclamation points. Maybe is stems from being a PreK teacher. or maybe I was a good PreK teacher because I use lots of inflection and excitement when I talk.
As a little aside, both of my kids do this too. Their teachers always comment how they read aloud and write very expressively. If I can remember, I'll try to dig up a bit of their writing and post it. They crack me up. And- that is another phrase I use often- crack me up. Which brings me to the excessive use of LOL's I use. Sad to say, but I really do crack myself up as I write or when I read other's writings. I do. One day, I'll be missing because the men in the white coats will have grabbed me and taken me to the "place where life is beautiful all the time! ha hahee ho!..... (Did I date myself again???)

Another feature of my writing is how I write in incomplete sentences. Apologies all around to my many English teachers who taught me better. But that is how I think, so that is how I write. I think in short bursts. I talk in short bursts. Yet both of these show how many times I interrupt myself. My stream of consciousness is more like a tornado. Maybe an earthquake.... Either way, trying to follow my train of thought is a disaster. Nuff said.

Anyway, I could go on and on about my wacky thoughts and writings and voice. But if you have been reading my blog, you already know it!

PS: To all of my English teachers, if need be, I still do know how to write an academic paper, it is just nice not to have to. *grins*

Amazing

Yesterday's prompt got me thinking about the human body and what it will put up with. What about the body amazes you? Are there changes with growth that seem strange? Stupid human tricks?

The thing that astounds and amazed me the most is the body's ability to reproduce. When I think about how we create life- through cell divisions that eventually become organs, tissue, skin, bones etc. It is mind boggling. Even though there are cases where things don't progress as they should in utero, just the face that any baby is born with 10 fingers and 10 toes is amazing. It is probably one of the most complex processes known to man, yet no one really *knows* do they? Mostly we accept that egg meets sperm and out comes baby. How does the cells know what to do? And when it should do?

And then, at birth, it is even more incredibly how this tiny blob of cells becomes the center of your world.

Not over my dead body!

If it would be possible to implant some type of chip that would provide identifying information as well as something like a GPS system into a person's body, would you do it? Would you put it into your child when he/she was first born?

If you would do it, what type of information would you consider having the chip contain? What could be done to change your mind?

If you wouldn't do it, why? What could be done to change your mind?

What do you think the ramifications would be for this idea? What negatives and positives would come from it?

My goodness, no- not ever. (warning! warning!--Political rant coming ahead!). I have been extremely concerned about how much of our personal information the government has in its data bases without our knowledge. Not that I have anything to hide, but the Constitution was written to protect the average person from this type of "citizen monitoring." In the ill of Rights, we are guaranteed to the rights to privacy. And that is important, very important to me.
The idea screams "Big Brother" and 1984 to me. I could go on and on about, what in MHO is illegal and unconstitutional, warrentless wire tapping, data mining, bank account monitoring and so on. But no one really wants me to do that, eh? LOL
I think they only thing that is positive that could come out of this is if a child is kidnapped that the authorities would be able to locate the child quickly.

A Pet of My Own

Dr. Doolittle had a Pushme-Pullyou. What sort of weird creature would you like to have as a pet?
If so, these are my requirements:

• Completely potty trained. Housebroken- whatever! No bodily function messes. At all. (Who wants to guess what I had to clean up from my puppy today?)
• Listens on command
• Never gets sick or has outrageous pet bills. Yes, I spend more on my pets' health than on my family's health.
• Will not eat me out of house and home. Or eat anything in my house and home, including furniture.
• Totally lovable, sweet cute and cuddly. That is a given and I am used to that. I have the sweetest fur-babies ever! (three cats, 2 dogs (one a lab puppy, the other is a geriatic mutt with cancer), and two pet rats)
  

If I had a million dollars....

Ok, so not a million, .... if I found $100 free and clear.... and gave myself permission to completely selfish...no bills, no kids backpacks, no dr. appts.... what would I do with it??

My first thought would be to go shopping for some new clothes. At Kohls. Love that store and when they have sales $100 would go a long way. Maybe I'd get some new shorts, some sandals, a new handbag. Underwear? Perhaps as long as they were pretty, not simply comfy, although I usually wear Hanes her Way. Now they are comfy! :D

If I didn't go for the clothes, I might put it away for my camera. I have been saving for the Digital Rebel. I have $250 saved so far so another $100 would be great!

Maybe a manicure pedicure? *shrugs* Ahh, that just doesn't last long. I want a lot of bang for my buck.

Once last idea- there is a restaurant by me that is simply the most amazing food ever and a reknowned wine cellar. We went once on a gift certificate and for two people, it was $125. That is such a far cry from Chili's or Applebees! I would love for hubby and I to go back there and be romantic and mushy. LOL

Deep musings...

Is the inner you aligned with the outer you?

Is it a cop out if I say yes and no?
Yeah, I guess it is. Drat, now I have to really do some thinking.
For the most part, I would say yes. I am a big believer in honesty and integrity. I tend to see things for what they are, say things as I call 'em, and appreciate it when people can do the same with me. In other words, if my butt looks fat in these jeans, tell me! Seriously, it hurts me more when people try to cover up or play head games with me. I would much prefer the truth, be hurt and get over it. And that is a big part of both the inner and outer mes.

However, being such a Cancer and sensitive soul, I can be very sensitive especially with certain issues. And it is hard for other people to know which ones they are at times. So if you follow my rule of telling it to me straight, it can sometimes backfire. I don't like people to know that I am shy and sensitive. I hide my shyness and insecurity deeply and carefully. When I first meet people, I am typically terrified! Please don't ever put me in a room with a bunch of people I don't know. I'll have a panic attack before I get there, then I recover, plaster my goofy smile and attitude on tightly, and go for it, shaking all the while on the inside. This is usually a huge surprise to people when I "come clean" on my fears.

Physically, the outer me looks pretty tough yet fun loving. I have many tattoos, and dress kind of "funky" for a person my age. I listen to heavy metal and alternative music. Lots of times people think I am way younger than 38. And that makes me think about how I don't always feel my age. I feel like I should still be in my 20's on occasion. Usually way before my early bedtime of 9pm. By then I feel ancient! ROTFL!

But really, I am a kind hearted person. Big mouth, big heart has been used to describe me. And like a Cancer/Crab, I guess I am tough on the outside and soft on the inside. Just please don't try to boil me and dip me in butter. I am sure I would be tough and stringy!

At the Bubble

This a LO I did for the prompt I did a couple of days ago.
Thanks for the idea, I am so happy the way this came out.

Kit is from oScraps- Sherbert Carnivale

Bubbling Springs

Best friends
Underwater
Boogie Boards
Bugs
Laughter
Ice creams with Gramdma
Noodles
Grins

Scott and Caitlyn
Playground
Rock hunting
Igloo coolers
Never wanting to leave
Games
Splashes

Before and After

This prompt was a great motivator for me, my office is now clean (er)! Yay for me!!!!!!!!!!

My office

Write about your computer habits and space: When during the day you like to sit at the computer/email/scrap etc. Do you have snacks or coffee nearby? What about a pic of your computer space? (optional)What do you have on your desk, walls etc.

Today is so not a good day for me to be examining my "office." Most days, I love this room- it is the first time since I was a child, that I have had a room that is just mine. Even if I do have to share it with the cats and dogs. I don't mind as long as they don't talk back. One of my chores for today is to get this room cleans ed. I will take before and afters and perhaps that will give me some incentive to get it done.

My office is a small room attached to my bedroom. It used to be the nursery when the kids were babies. Nothing else fir it in except for a dresser and crib. But since I started my business a few years ago, and then had an addition put on my home, I was able to claim this little spot for me!

In the room, I have a large L-shaped desk. I have several filing cabinets that store everything from folders of kids' school files and report cards, to bills, to medical files for people and animals. A different cabinet holds some of the paper work for my business. On my desk is lots of computer stuff- scanner, photo printer, speakers, ipod etc. Under my desk is another printer, paper shredder, garbage can, and usually at least one dog. The hutch holds junk! CD's notebooks and more junk. It is also the place where I keep the family talking stick, which I use when my kids get to squabbling. If they don't take turns it is very handy to beat them over the head with it. LOL

The closet is the best part of the room. It is my supply closet for all of my products and ingredients for my business. It also holds lots of my paper scrapping products and other craft stuff. I love that the shelving lets me be able to see much of what is in there and I usually try to keep it organized.

The decor of my office is what I like best. I adore faeries and since my business name is Faery-Wings, I have decorated with faeries. I have plants and crystals and a few little fountains and it helps me to keep myself happy and centered in here.

Fairy Tales

It was a bit funny to me that this was Thursday's prompt. For my DD's summer journal prompt I gave her the topic of "If my life were a fairy tale it would be_____."
Since I don't really think that I had any favorite fairy tales, at least not that I can remember, I am going to use my prompt instead since I already know that answer to that one.

My life would be like Cinderella's. There are days I feel like that demands of kids, pets, and husband make me feel like a maid. And even though I am married to my "prince" I wish that i could live in a more luxurious manner, where I was not the one getting all of the orders.
Can you tell I am feeling a bit burnt out today? *smiles*

Fourth of July Celebrations

Compared to many other years past, this year we had a very quiet 4th of July weekend. No big parties, no huge fireworks. Instead, we spent a nice afternoon at my friend's house for dinner. We met because our sons are friends. Over the last couple of years, the mom and I have become very good friends too. Since Gary hasn't been comfortable in meeting lots of new people, she invited us over, just the two families, for dinner. It was so nice seeing the husbands and kids all get along. Peggy and I knew we'd have no trouble gabbing it up!

Independence

Today let's think about "independence". What does it mean to you? Your family? Your life? Your future?

This is a tough one to get my mind around. I am not sure I want to write about personal independence or political independence.
I think I am going to go with personal. Politically speaking, I feel strongly about the word "freedom" moreso than independent. I don't think that the USA should be completely independent in these days of globalization. We should not be wholly reliant on other countries, whoever, we need to see our country as fitting into the bigger picture of sharing this Earth with other countries.
Well, enough of my political ramblings.
Independence is something that I crave on some levels and ... fear? on others. Perhaps fear is a strong word... discomforting is more apt.
I want to be independent by choice. As in I want to be able to know how to take care of myself, and not need anyone for the basics in life. However, I do not wish to be independent in that way. I crave being past of a bigger community, starting with my immediate family, extended family, friends and neighbors. My mind set is community oriented where I want to be part of a unit that all chips in, helps one another. So in some ways, independence corresponds with isolation. And that is not something I would like at all.

A Poem!?!????

So this is the day I decide that I am going to get back to blogging... and Meg wants us to write a poem?? *gasps and faints away*

OK, lets see...
There once was a man from Nantucket....

Nah, I guess that is not very appropriate.

Silly grins
Sticky chins
Sandy feet
In summer heat

Catching bugs
Soggy hugs
Collecting snails
In plastic pails

Setting sun
The day is done.
Time to cheer
and drink cold beer!

Ok, so I'll never win an award, but hopefully I made someone reading this smile.

Who said Summer "Vacation?"

Ok, I want to know who deluded me into thinking that summer vacation actually meant something along the lines of resting and relaxation? LOL!! Since my kids have been off of school on June 22, I feel Ike I have has less time for myself and am never home. When I am home, I feel like I am cleaning up mounds of sand from the beach! LOL

So whoever called the summer months of June- August "vacation" sure didn't have parents in mind!

Summer's Here and the Living is Easy

Summer is here!! So, on the first day of summer, write about one of the five senses (related to your summer experience):

I can't pick just one to write about! I love summer.

The smells of summer
Copppertone, ocean breezes, citronella, fresh berries
The sights of summer
haze (gotta love NJ!), traffic (again gotta love Nj....),flowers blooming, fireflies and frogs
The sounds of summer
Fireworks, splashing at the beach, kids bickering (it is true!), kids laughing, dogs slurping water
The touch of summer
Rubbing on tons of sunscreen and bug stuff, cuddling a chilly child wrapped in a soaking wet blanket at the beach, warm sun on my face
The tastes of summer
Garden fresh veggies- zucchini, Jersey tomatoes corn onthe cob, hot dogs and burgers ont he grill and pina colodas!

Compliments

3 ways in which someone can compliment you are...

1. "You are an awesome mom." I try very hard to be a good mom, balancing the adoration and discipline of my kids. As you know, that is a tough line to walk, and I tell them always, I may not like what you did, but I love you always, forever, and no matter what.
2. "You have a good heart." Again, I try hard to be a good person. I try to be helpful, generous, caring and a good listener.
3. "You are a good cook/hostess." When people come to my house, I want them to feel like family. I want them to eat, drink, and be merry. And I want them to want to come back often.
   

Will I need a table cloth for this dinner party?

Name 5 famous people, dead or alive, that you would like to invite to a dinner party, and why.

hoo boy, I have a bunch of names in my head, but I don't know how well we would all get along. And i should proabably warn you guys that I tend to have strong opinions and a blunt way of expressing them. I mean absolutely no offense by this, so forgive me if I step on toes. It is not meant that way.

1. Jon Bon Jovi
2. Gearge W Bush
3. Jesus
4. Freud
   
5. TBA!
   

Jon Bon Jovi has been my "crush" since I was 14. In some ways, I feel like we have grown up together. Back inthe 80's, his music was all about romance, and fun and parties. Now, it has depth and maturity. Perspective as an adult. One of my favorite new songs is "Just Older" where he sings

I like the bed I'm sleeping in
It's just like me, it's broken in
It's not old -- just older
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans
This skin I'm in it's alright with me
It's not old -- just older

I can relate to this so much more than a lot of the other music that is out there. Add in the cuteness factor, I just wanna give that man a hug. but I also admire him as a person. Married to his HS sweetheart, 4 kids, still a "real guy." From everything I have read and seen about him, he is a good person. he cares a lot about NJ too. Yes, I am a Jersey Girl. LOL
I'd even want him to bring along his wife and kids- I bet they would be fun.

GWB. I just want to gove him a piece of my mind. I want him to wake up and see how far this society has gone- how America is not "of the people" or "for the people" unless the "people" are part of a corporation. I want him to explain to me, one on one, not PR prompts-- why we are in Iraq, why we are killing the environment-- ugh. Don't get me started.....

Jesus. I would like to meet him- to see what really went down back then. I am not sure that the Bible is to be taken lterally, so I guess I would like to see what his life was like. And to see how he feels about what is happening in his name today. Perhaps he has some ideas some suggestions on what we can do.

Freud. I dunno, i think he'd be fun to have a party. Who wouldn't want to be psycho-analyzed by him?? Maybe I should serve asparagus and oysters just to freak him out. LOLOL!!!


Again, dear readers- I am not trying to be fresh, or offensive. So hugs!

Do you really wanna Know?

What were you like as a teenager?

If you were a problem teenager, why were you? Without going into more detail than you care to, what made you do what you did? Have you apologized or made amends with the people whose lives you affected?

(notice that I didn't even copy the sentence about being a good teen.)

I wasn't all that horrible as a teen, never got suspended, never got pregnant, never "ruined" my life. But looking back, now as a parent myself, I realize that I put my parents through a lot of hell. Much of what I did was "standard" I guess. Drinking in high school, cutting some classes, going out with the "wrong type" of guys. Damn, I liked the bad boys, but never understood why we never lasted. haha!
I also had some tougher emotional issues. I had an eating disorder than came and went as I was in HS, college and still to this day. I also had some problems with alcohol and even got arrested for drinking in a public place. I was lucky that they didn't hit me with underage drinking, that would have been a big issue on my teacher job app's.
I also had a lot of attitude issues, which I am currently getting payback for with my own daughter. She is a doll, however- we have butted heads since the day she was conceived. She is almost 8, but I am gearing myself up for bigger issues as she gets older. I hope that I am laying a solid foundation now of being close and honest with each other because I imagine that will be helpful in the future.
Why did I do a lot of this? I know some of it was for attention. Some of it was because I learned early on to not make a fuss- emotions only got you in trouble. This plays a big part in my eating disorder. I also wanted to be me, not Charlie's little sister. My brother was the good son, not only is manners and behavior, but he was the first born son/grandson in a traditional Italian family. I didn't seem to matter much. So I tried to be the opposite of him. He was conservative, traditional, quiet, Republican (gasp!!), so I had to be the heavy metalhead, bad girl, liberal, feminist etc....

I don't know if I have apologized in so many words, but I have a wonderful relationship with my parents now. I think becoming a parent myself made me have a totally different perspective and I realize now how hard I was on them. And I tell them often how much I love and appreciate the great job they did with me, in spite of myself.

Finding Peace

For me, finding peace is going to be a bit like finding Nemo. A long journey that is taking me places I have never been before. I am on that journeyy now, and I think that I am in that deep, dark cavern when Dorie and Nemo's Dad (what is his name???) drop the mask and the lantern fish scared the heck out of them.
The Dark night of the Soul in more esoteric terms.
But as I sing to myself.... just keep swimming, just keep swimming, la la la laaa la lah.....
I keep on going, trying a bit more every day to get a little closer to the end of the long, uncomfortable journey. I have faith in myself that someway, I will find peace.

Scrapping for a while

What is your SCRAPBOOKING history? Did you start with paper or digital?

First of all I want to scare every one and say that my real scrap history began when I was in high school and I cut my pictures and glues them into scrapbooks with Elmer's Glue and Magic Markers. LOL

I started paper scrapping around 5-6 years ago. I started out with one book for each of my kids. Now I have about 3-4 large three ring albums done for each. They span pre-birth to oh, about 6 months ago. Styles have come and gone in that time, but I was beginning to find that it was too expensive to keep up with the trends in paper scrapping.

I guess that is whyI like digital scrapping so much. I am on a tight budget, so I don't have the extra money for $4.00 metal tags or $5.00 fibers. I love being able to create it all on my own, or to be able to find some great freebies. If I have to "splurge" I can get a nice set or some brushes etc for only a few bucks at the online stores.

I have been digi-scrapping for only a few months. I loved being part of DSP's NKOTB and I hope to be able to go with that again in a few months.

Life before the Internet?

How did you get started using computers? When did you first get "online". Do you predate the Internet being available to the public or was it always here for you?


Well gather 'round dearies, while I rock and knit and let me tell you about the dark times before there was the Internet.

*hushed silence and wide eyed gazed from the youngsters sitting at my feet*
I was introduced to computers at a really young age. Well, let me re-phrase. Comparatively speaking it was a young age back in the early 80's. I was most likely around 10 or 12. My dad brought home a Commodore Vic 20, this huge ....."thingy" that attached to our TV and that played some simple games (remember Pong???) and some educational ones too. That did not hold our interest very long, since we were so caught up in the new technology of ...... Cassette Tapes.

When I was in college were required to write a few of our papers on word processors that were found in the computer lab. However, it was always easy enough to ask one of my room mates to type the paper for me in return for beer. That was called Beer-nomics. As I progressed in my education classes, someone had the foresight to know that computer education would become huge, and we had to do many assignments, projects and lesson plans on Apple computers. Not macs, my dears... Apples. And you had to put these large disks in the floppy drive (remember this is in the age before CD/DVD Roms) to save your work.

We had a computer when we got married in 93. We had an on;line service called Prodigy. This was the beginning of my internet life as I became more savvy in posting on bulletin boards. However, there was no surfing on the Web for me, everything I needed to know was found on Prodigy. Even though I spent much time on there, I didn't get much information since dial up connections were so slow.

Now, I love to be on the Information Superhighway. Just don't beep at me if I go too slow for you young whippersnappers.

My Internet Homes

I used to have a fun internet life. Eight years ago I was in a pregnancy community, then the "playgroup" after our babies were born. I made some wonderful and close freinds from all over the world. Even though we haven't "talked" in years, I sitll think of them often. We all helped each other through good and not so good times with our kids and husbands- and some ex'es as well.

Then five years ago, I become a member of a spiritual new-age-y board. it was very small and intimate and we lots of fun there. I became a mod, a teacher, and a writing for its online magazine. Now, it has become so large, I feel lost there. I guess 20,000 members will do that to a forum.

Now, I am more of a "poker." I poke around, here and there. I look for digi-scrap sites (like DSP!), some knitting and crocheting sites, recipes (allrecipes.com) and reward sites, Like myPoints.

It is funny in a way- I feel the same in my real life. Kind of a poker. Feeling a bit lost and looking for somewhere to belong. But not sure if I'd rather belong or be alone.

I have one additional home, my online business, Faery-wings Apothecary. I am a certified aromatherapist and make all natuyral bath and body care, all natural pet care, faery dusts and glitters, and custome made faery-wings to wear. I also do birthday parties for kids!
http://www.faery-wings.com

Stop by!

Childhood Books

I grew up in a "Reading House." My grandmother loved to read. We used to joke that we could sit her on the sofa with a book and a beer and we wouldn't hear a peep from her all day. But we never did that because she was always making us laugh with her silly songs and stories too. My mother loves to read, and I would rather read than do many other things. My kids love to read and I am thrilled by that. I had written in someone's comments how if you know and like to read, you can do anything in the world that you want.

As for my favorite childhood books:

• Raggedy Ann and Andy Thank You, Please, I love You Book.
• Nancy Drew- and when I could scam them from my brother- The Hardy Boys
  
• Richard Scarry
• Judy Blume books
• Beverly Cleary
• Gone With the Wind (yes, that is whenI was older, but I love it!)

My mom also took us to the library to get a book called "No Fighting, No Biting" about sibs that squabble. My kids now have that too- not that it keeps them from squabbling any more thanit did me and my brother. LOL

Even though I might not have passed on the particular books I read, I am so happy that my kids love to read. And they share books with me too, like the Harry Potters, Lemony Snicket, and Eragon.

First Memory?

I have a truly awful memory of when I was little. I get little bits and pieces, sometimes a feeling, but rarely a "real" memory.

I remember preschool- I went to a school called Page School. I must have been around 4 years old. My dad would drop me off inthe morning and we would do what we called a "Page School Hug." It was a real tight, arms wrapped around his neck type hug. As I think iof that today, it is a sweet thought since my dad is not typically a demonstarive person. To this day, I *think* I only heard him say I love you once. About a year ago, I was hanging up the phone and thought that is what he said. If only I had a rewind button!

Some other early memories involve playing at my cousins' house and when my youngest cousin was born. I must have been around 6...?I remember my first "boyfriend." he came to my house to hand deliver me a valentine. I was also about 5 or 6. I can still see my brother writing on the face of my beloved Raggedy Ann doll, and getting sent to bed without dinner. I remember that punishment being given to me too.

I remember some good, some bad way back then.

Love for Learning

If you could go back to school (and time, money, other commitments are not an issue), what would you study and why?

I would probably study zillions of things (like grammar, perhaps LOL) . I love to learn and have so much interest in so many things. I have also noticed that at this point in my life, as my children are a bit older and don't need 100% of my attention all day, I crave learning about new things.

I would like to study both academic and practical subjects, for knowledge and abilities.
Some of the academic subjects would include politic science and international studies, including economics, world history and ancient cultures, and something in the wildlife/ecology field.

When I actually was in college, political science and current events was the farthest thing of interest in my mind. Talk about a major buzz kill for me, the party girl. Looking back, I could kick myself for not being more involved and knowledgeable. (Warning: Political rant coming) I am very unhappy with he way our country and society has evolved over the last few decades. We have - generally speaking- become greedy, self centered and under the assumption that we, as Americans, can do no wrong. And what a mess we are in. It makes me sad, and it makes me angry. Now I want to be informed and outspoken in my beliefs and dreams to make this countrygreat again, the way our forefathers had planned.

World history just fascinated me. Boggles the mind. Yet even thought I had to take world history course back then, they were dry and academic. Lots of facts and dates that are easily forgotten. I would love to take a course in the humanity of world history from an anthropological view.

Wildlife and ecology is a big part of my belief system in that the Earth is not ours to exploit but to be shared with all creatures. To take classes on how to help the Earth, its ecosystems, and its endangered species would be fulfilling in so many ways for me.

On a practical level, I would like to take classes in art- how to draw or paint. I have what I think are wonderful visions of what I would like to draw but I really struggle getting them onto paper. Nothing ever looks even close to how I imagine it. Yes, I really can barely draw a stick figure.
I would also like to continue my education in alternative healing modalities. I am an aromatherapist and have level 2 reiki degree. I would like to further educate myself in these areas and become more proficient in using herbs.

Speaking of herbs, I would also like to take some classes in cooking- I am a decent cook, but would love to get better at some ethnic foods, such as Chinese, Japanese, and even Thai.

Shoot, this is longer than I expected. I guess I really do like to learn.

I have been tagged!

Since I was tagged by loonyhiker, I have to answer these 5 questions about me. Enjoy-- and pleas don't think I am too odd. LOL


5 things in my fridge:

1. Cheese (one of my favorite foods)
2. Lettuce and salad fixins- Jersey tomatoes *yum*
3. Wine
4. Watermelon
5. Strawberry green tea!
   

5 items in my closet:

1. Shoes and boots
   
2. Lasanga tray, cookie sheets (my kitchen is small, no cabinet space)
3. Clothes (well, duh!)
4. Batteries and film
5. An empty pocketbook
   

5 items in my purse:

1. Keys
2. Contact lens case and eye drops
3. Sunglasses
4. Cell phone
5. Pen
   

5 items in my car:

1. Wipes
2. Garbage bag
3. Dried up french fries in the back
4. Shopping bags to be re-used
5. CD's (my beloved Bon Jovi and Green Day)
   

5 people to tag:

1. Kristen
2. Lori
3. Zephanee
4. Bethy
5. Stacey42

(hope you all don't mind being tagged!)

The beauty of nature

"What is the neatest thing you have ever seen in nature or made by nature?"

I am such the nature girl, as long as I can get a hot shower at the end of the day. LOL
My list:

• Childbirth. From conception to birth , it simply amazes me how two cells can become a beautiful child.
• Spiderwebs. Even though I am not all that fond of spiders, they make amazing webs. Sitting and watching how quickly they make then is also astounding.
• Rainbows and sunshowers. Thunder and hail. Beauty and the beasts I guess. nature in all of its fury and glory. Fierce and gentle.
• Wolves. My family took a trip to the Lakota Wolf Preserve in Columbia, NJ. They are the most gorgeous creatures. After seeing a special on the "Global Wolf" on Animal Planet, it simply amazes me how family oriented yet misunderstood they are.
• Plants as they poke their heads out of the ground after a long winter. That sight of returning life helps me to re-birth myself.

Process vs Product

Oh my, what a great question. As a former PreK teacher, you can imagine how much we stressed process not product for just about everything, especially art. I was definitely one of those "color outside the lines* teachers, and nothing bugged me more than the teachers who felt that a sky can be only blue.

But I have to admit, it is much harder to take my own advice when I do my scrapbooking, either paper or digi. I get an idea in my head and sometimes struggle with my inability to get it down exactly as I see it. That is when my perfectionism comes into o ruin what could be a lovely, albeit imperfect LO.

The LO's that I tend to love the most are the ones I put my heart into, instead of my critical eye.
So it the process as important? You betcha. Many times I find the happiness of reliving a memory, or the new perspective I have gain from looking at an event just as much a reward as a good LO.

Is an appealing LO also important? Sure thing, as long as I remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what my heart thinks is beautiful and fulfilling to me is more important than nagging voice of criticism that will someday learn to shut up.

My fur babies!!!

Pets pets pets!

As a child, I was not allowed to have pets. I had two goldfish, Orange Juice and Orange Soda, for a while. I had won them at a carnival, but they weren't really the kind of pet I wanted. My parents weren't "pet" people. They didn't like the mess or responsibility.

Right after we closed on our condo, my soon to be hubby and I adopted a sweet black and white kitten, Ziggy (real name, Danzig). He was our first "baby." 10 months later, he surprised my when he brought home a matching kitten whom we names PJ (real name Pearl Jam). After a few rough weeks getting used to each other, they become brothers. Their fur matched so well that when they slept on the bed, you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

Almost a year later, a cat was dumped at a shelter and we ended up rescuing him.(This tends to be a theme with us.) He came with the name Zeus and he sure lived up to that name. We soon moved out of our condo, which had a two cat only rule (we figured Ziggy and Peej looked so much alike, that as long as they weren't in the window at the same time, no one would ever notice....shhhhh). In no time, in our own house, a friend of mine took in a stray cat, who looked a bit chubby. That chub turned out to be a litter of kittens. There was a calico that no one else had claimed, so as soon as she was weaned from her mom, we named her Scarlett O'Hara, after my favorite book and movie, and brought her home.

At the same time, a little grey and white tabby started showing up around my home. He looked to be only a few months old. He broke my heart as he played outside my window with rocks. Hubby has a really soft heart and started feeding him. And yes, we ended up bringing him inside to stay, right after we took him to the vet for shots and gave him a good bath. Since his fur was grey and white stripes, and he even had a little grey mustache, he *had* to be named Rhett Butler. The tow of them, Scarlett and Rhett were hysterical to watch together.

So in case you are counting, we are up to 5 cats. That was when we ended up with a dog! My baby girl was my birthday present 11 years ago. Hubby loves Harley Davidson's so that is what we named her. She is the bestestestest sweetest baby ever.

A year later, we somehow ended up with another cat- hubby went to the shelter-- baaaad move!-- and came home with a grey sweetie that we named Elvis. He eneded up sooooo huge that we called him the "Old Elvis."

Over the years we have lost many of our pets, but they are still in our hearts. We have since added another two cats, a black guy named Merlin and a black and white tuxedo, named Floyd. His real name is Pink Floyd, but since he is a maniac we call him Hurricane Floyd after a hurricane that hit NJ in 97.

Rounding out our furry family we now have two rats who belong to my son. They are Scabbers and Chewie. I really wanted DS to call them Scabbers and Petigrew, but well, they don't belong to me.

As for non-furry pets, we have a bunch of goldfish, and an albino frog named Al. As in Albino.

My baby-girl, Harley is one of my best friends. And sadly, she is getting old. She has had two malignant tumors removed, and is now in her third bout of cancer. This time is was a highly Methodist kind, and I just found another lump in her throat. I have to say, I don't know what I am going to do without my girl.

And this is where I have to stop writing, b/c is I go on.... I'll be in tears.

Scents and Scentsability

Blog about a scent that reminds you of childhood, or just one with strong emotional connection.

I am an aromatherapist so anything that has to do with "smelly stuff" is always really fun for me. Research that has been done with the brain and memories shows that the sense of smell is the strongest in the ability to evoke memory. However, you don't need a research study to tell you that. How many times have we gotten a whiff of something and it immediately brings us back to a memory of years gone by? Or sometimes I will smell something and it will drive me crazy until I finally figure out what the connection is. A few years ago, I was shampooing my hair and the scent of the shampoo was from my childhood- but the brand was from this time frame! I finally figured out what it smelled like. Clairol Herbal Essense Shampoo. It was green, dark forest green, in a flattened cylinder shape, like a 3d upside down U.

Some others scents that really bring me back in time are:

• Youth Dew, My grandma's perfume
• Garlic, oregano from my mom's gravy (spaghetti sauce)
• Old Spice (Dad)
• Love's Baby Soft
• Coppertone!
• The Ocean
  
• Dial Soap
• Burnt Popcorn -- remember Jiffy pop? On the stove? No matter how you cook it, burnt popcorn always smells like that.

That is all I can think of, but I know there are more in there. As soon as I smell 'em, I ll remember them.

Favorite Vacation

Even though this really has nothing to so with the summer, my memories of this particular vacation is especially heartwarming for me.

To give a bit of background, hubby and I are "Disney People." I grew up loving Disney Movies and had always dreamed of going to Disney World. When I first met hubby, I found out he liked Disney too. In fact, the night I feel in love with him, he was wearing a Mickey T shirt. I knew any guy who liked Mickey that much had to be a good person. Even though the shirt will never fit him again, neither of us will throw it out.

When we were married a little over a year, we took a trip to Disney, my first, his 3rd or 4th. I was blown away by the magic. And even though we didn't have kids yet, we had decided that we wouldn't take them until they were walking and out of diapers.

When I was pregnant with my son (who just turned 10 yesterday!!!!) it was a no brainer, he was going to have a Disney Nursery. Not Baby Mickey but real Mickey. One of my favorite characters of Mickey was him as the Sorcerer's Apprentice, so I decoupaged a stool, a coat rack, switch plates with that, hung pictures of Mickey on the walls and so on.

Then after he is born, he has no choice but to be a Disney Kid. Most of his clothes had Mickey on them, he had tons of Mickey toys. At around 11-12 months old, one of his first "words" was Gee-Gee (Mickey). I knew there was no way in the world we were going to wait *years* for him and his future sibling to be out of diapers. No way!

So right after his 1st birthday, we booked a trip to Disney. We invited the grandparents to join us, and my in-laws took us up on that. The theme was the 25th anniversary Celebration and the logo on everything was Mickey as the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It was perfect!

The most amazing part of the trip was on our first day there. We had just walked into Magic Kingdom and the 3:00 parade was coming down Main Street. Scott, dressed in a Mickey Mouse outfit, was sitting up on his dad's shoulders, And there was a giant Sorcerer's Apprentice on the float, waving to all of the kids lined up. Scott was yelling out "GEE-GEEEE!" and blowing him kisses. I literally got completely choked up at that. The rest of our time there, he loved visiting with all of the character's but Mickey has always held a special place in his heart. And that memory will always hold a very special place in mine.

A trip down memory lane

What aspect of play do you miss most about childhood?

When I first typed the title, it said "I trip down memory lane." Freudian slip, would you say?
I like that as a title better than "A Trip."
My memories of my childhood tend to be hazy, with occasional huge chunks missing. I'll blame it on my mom who always threw the few photos she took in a big ol' box. (JK mom, just some scrapbooker humor!).

What I think I miss most about childhood, in not a thing, but that elusive and intangible feeling of FREEDOM. That glorious feeling of total unselfconsciousness. That feeling of no worries and no concept of the future as an adult sees it. The future hold all possibilities. As a child, I wanted to be a queen who rescued animals and never had to see one sick or die. And why not? Money, war, taxes.... it was as if they were in a whole different universe. I ate what I wanted and never worried if it would make me fat or give me cancer some day.
I loved being able to run or spin in circles and not care what other people thought. I loved having imaginary friends and superpowers , and *gasp* no one thought I was crazy! I loved not having anything to do, but stare up at the clouds on a warm summer day. The summer would seem to last forever because there was no schedule, no to-do list that kept me from simply being.

Innocence. That is what I miss.

Favorite Words

This is a tough prompt.
On the one hand , I could make it easy for myself and say words like love, children, summer vacation. On the other hand, I feel that Meg has a lot more that she wants us to get at with this prompt. So I am sitting here with only one cup of coffee in my thinking about what words I like.

I like silly made up words. Like schootchy. As in having a scootchy kid who won't sit still.
Then there are the words that sound weird to you , like "hamper." Say that to yourself. It will always sound odd and make you laugh.

Ok, here is my first one.
Beauty. This word has so many meanings. Most people take beauty at face value (no pun intended!) but I like to think of the myriad meaning of thus word. I think of the beauty of the sunset. The beauty of a child being born (which obviously has no "classic beauty" involved haha!). The beauty in a wrinkled wizened face. The beauty of a hug. Or of gut-busting laughter. The scribble on my wall, made by my then 2 year old son in bright blue crayon, who told me it said "I love you mommy."

I challenge you to look deep into that word and see it for what it is. It is not the person of the week on People Magazine. It is everything but.


(Yikes! Looking at the time and I have to go wake the kids for school.- I will hopefully be able to add more!

Comfort foods????

Today's prompt is to write about a favorite comfort food.

Well, well, well. That sure is a loaded topic for me. The quick answer is "it depends." It depends on what I need comfort for. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Angry? Hormonal? Or am I happy and wanting to pamper myself with food?

The easiest one to answer is if I am hormonal. Give me chocolate covered pretzels. The sweetness, the saltiness, the smooth chocolate and the satisfying crunch of the pretzel makes them the *perfect* hormone therapy.

If I am angry... well that is easier to answer than to do. When I am angry or upset, I prefer air. As in nothing. I won't eat at all. This can be a bit dangerous for me, a recovering anorexic. In order to shut down uncomfortable emotions, I won't eat. The denial of hunger pangs is just as satiating to me as eating a plate full of cookies may be to someone else.

If I am feeling sorry for myself and a bit melancholy, I like the comfort foods of childhood. Homemade baked macaroni or cheese and crackers. I guess they make me feel like my mom is there with me, making me feel like everything is really going to be ok.

The one that is the nicest to think about is when I am happy and want to pamper myself a bit. This is the time when my family goes out to dinner and there is good feelings, joy and contentment. That is when I like something rich and decadent. Shrimp scampi or fettucini alfredo. Garlic bread. And perhaps even dessert.

Mother's Day Gifts

Well, first off, I had a very nice Mother's Day. Last year was a really bad one -- for me and my family. Hubby was still quite.....ill... for lack of a better word. I didn't get a card, a gift, nothing from the kids....no special treatment. So this year, just the fact that he was "aware" that it was Mother's Day was a huge plus.
And yes, I got cards from him and my kids. And they also went out shopping and picked up an ipod for me. I am so excited- Now I don't have to keep borrowing his when I am working. And this has *my* music and podcasts on it. But needless to say he didn't really need to spend that much $$. However, I have learned to not complain. Better to have a nice day and an extra credit card bill than not have the day recognized at all.

So now that I sound like a greedy b****- I have to say one of the best parts of the day was getting to spend it with my new extended family. My brother's fiancee's family had us up for a local brunch, then we went back to their house for cake and coffee. The families are blending so nicely and I am so thrilled that my brother found a great person to spend his life with.

So my kids were happy, hubby was good about spending the day with the new family and my hubby recognized how much I need him to let me know he cares. That was what made it a happy mother's day.

Playing hookey!

If I could take tomorrow off of work, I'd...

Even though I am technically a SAHM, I work with a friend who owns a house cleaning business one or two days a week. Additionally, I am my mother in law's "personal assistant" and either clean for her, work on her accounting, pattern testing etc for her quilt business. So yeah... I am the SAHM that is always working for other people, outside of her home. LOL

The bad news for today is that my friend is very sick with walking pneumonia. The good news is that I don't have to work today. Since I didn't have anything else scheduled for the day, I am going to get some of my own housework done, then I am going to play with a new program my mother in law wants to be learn for fabric design- a kaleidoscope pattern maker. It should be fun!

Coloring my World

What colors are you drawn to? Which ones depress you? Are there any that you love but don't surround yourself with or wear? Why?

Since I was little I have been drawn to the same basic color families over and over. Blues, green and purples. At various times, I am drawn to different shades, tints, and tones of those basic colors. Right now, I am wearing a teal and sage green shirt, one of my favorites. My bedroom is decorated is a soothing grey and lavender. My business logo is one of teals, pinks, and purples. Any of those colors, and a touch of silver and I am happy, whether it be in decorating, clothing, accessories or designing a craft project.

I think that this connects to me because these are "fluid" and non- obtrusive colors. Soft, serene, yet a touch funky. Like those colors, I am pretty shy, but a bit wacky and outgoing when you get to know me.

Red, oranges and bright yellows. To me they are like raucous music. They clash and make me on edge. My mother loves to decorate with red, as does my best friend. I don't feel comfortable in those rooms very much. I guess that is because red is a vibrant, outgoing color. Red, along with yellows and oranges, seems to shout "Look at me!" which is one of the last things I would ever say.

It is interesting since I have read a bit on color therapy and gem stone therapy where you use colors and gems to help with emotional issues. The colors and gems vibrate at different frequencies and you tend to be attracted tot he ones you need, psychologically, the most. I like keeping an eye on how I react to different colors over time. A few years ago, I was feeling very solid, stable and grounded. I adored green. I wanted everything to be in shades of green. To me, green is a very earthy, feet in the grass, connect with Mother Earth-y type of color.
Right now, I am mostly drawn to plums and lavender These are more healing, spiritual and calming colors, which is really exactly what I need.

Optimism vs. Thankful

Optimism seems to be in short supply over here some days. Optimism and hope kinda go hand in hand. Over the last two years, every time I have been hopeful, hope has been dashed.
It is hard to keep going through that and still be optimistic.

So instead of writing about things I am optimistic about, I am going to write about things I am thankful for.

I am so thankful for the sun that is shining. The sun provides me with warmth and strength. It signals to be that - perhaps- better days will come, just as it is signals that harshness of the winter is over, and the spring brings new opportunities with it.

I am thankful, each and every day for my kids. They too, are like the sun, full of energy and warmth. They bring me joy and love each and every day.

I am thankful for my mom, who is always there for me. Like the sun rises after a long, dark night, she is my constant and steadying force. She gives me strength, love and lots of room to grow.

I am thankful for me. I am grateful that when I feel empty and lost, there is always that spark that rekindles me, keeps me going and reminds me how strong I am.

I am just Not funny

I am absolutely no good for telling jokes. Can't say a funny story or think of a pun to save my life. But somehow, I am married to one of the funniest men on earth, and have two of the funniest kids I have ever met.
Yeah, yeah, all parents think their kids are funny. But mine make me laugh -- constantly. My guys have the wackiest sense of humor, like their dad. Little things that no one else finds humorous sends us into gales of laughter and typically just eggs the whole family on.

I wish I could think of something funny that they have done recently, but I can't. But I bet as soon as I walk away from he computer, little jokes and stories will flood back. And if they don't, we'll be sitting down to dinner soon, and I am sure we'll have something funny happen or be said.

One of the biggest reasons I fell for my hubby is that we share this off beat, weird sense of humor. And he makes me laugh. A lot. It is one of the biggest things I love about him. And one huge thing I love about my kids.

Accomplishments

Even though it is Sunday, almost dinner time, I want to do this Blog post. I tend to minimize any of my accomplishments. I don't lnow why, I just don't like to talk about *me* very much I guess.

But the other day, I friend passed a comment how the greatest gift you can give a child, is to love and respect your spouse. Even though my husband and I have had our share of disagreements and instability in the past two years, I feel that they greatest gift does not have to be a happy homelife. Now, before anyone takes that the wrong way, what I mean is that it was kind of crappy advice, IMO, to think that only the most loving families are giving their child a great gift.

I think that one of my best accomplishments is also one of the best gifts I can give my children- my unconditional love, the knowledge that even when life is hard that we all have the strength to stick it out.

My kids are good kids, solid good kids. Yeah, they screw up sometimes, but they know that even when they screw up, I am there. I might not like what they did, but I still love them anyway.

I give them the gift in the knowledge that life is not easy, marriage is not easy. But when you do love each other, you stick together even when things are bad. Of course, my kids are in no danger and my husbands loves them deeply, which is a gift he gives them.

So basically, my accomplishment is that even though we have been through hell as a family, they are secure, confident, mannerly, caring, and fun kids. In that, I am doing my job as a mom who will always do my best for my kids.

I must be ill.

Really and truly. Here I am giventhe opportunity tot vent, and I simply don't have the energy today. This migraine is sucking all life out of me.
So Iam simply going to have to say that I hate migraines. I am not even going to say it, just whisper it.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be ready to vent.

Lost Time

Right now you should be doing ______ instead of being on the computer.

Ok, so it is really 6am on the day after this was posted. But yesterday was a busy day and I didn't spend all that much time on the computer. or at least I don't think I did. What is it about the computer that steals time from me? It seems like I'll hop on for a minute and next I know a half hour has flown by.

Yesterday I was truly busy and by the time I was able to hop on the computer, it was "free time."
But many days, I would hate to add up all of the lost time.

Generations

Grandmother <- Daughter -> Grandaughter
Connections through the generations.

I have been blessed to have close relationships with my mother, her mother, and my daughter.
My Grandma has been deceased for 13 years, yet still is stil a part of our lives. My daughter, who at 7, never met my Grandma in person, has a strong connection with Grandma Finelli and loves to talk about her.

When I was a kid, I loved to visit with Grandma. My mom and I wouldgo down to her house, take her out, do a bit of shopping,then out to luch. It was always a special day, and my mom even let me take days off from school to go with her. I adore my Grandma, and think, to this day, she was an amazing, strong woman.

After my Grandma died, my mom and I would go out every so often, but we both worked full time, so that tradition faded away. Then after my son was born, Mom and I would take him out. We would do a bit of shopping (aka all of the errands that are hard to accomplish with a baby on your own) then grab some lunch.

Caitlyn was born, and we just added her into the picture. It seemed that suddenly, we went from having two meals, with the kids eating off our plates, to two adult meals, two kids meals, and then we *had* to have dessert!

Scott started school full days when he was 6 and Cait was 4. My poor mother missed him terribly, but we continued on without him. I have to admit, she always had to bring him back something special, so he didn't feel left out. But that sadness of missing him was nothing compared to how she felt when Caitlyn went to school full time as well. I think my mother lives for the days when they are off at school and the four of us can be together again.

Scott insists that he doesn't want to get married or have kids, so at this point, I have to wonder if the traditions will pass him by. In all fairness, he is only 9, soo there will be no pressure from Mom, until he is at least 25. LOL

Cait, on the other hand, already talks about the day that she will go out shopping and to lunch with her daughter, me, and my mom. I look forward to the day when we can continue the tradtions of generations.

Me!!

 

I believe...

Hmmm, I cannot get the song by Bon Jovi, I Believe:
I believe, I believe
With every breath that I breathe
You and me can turn a whisper to a scream
I believe, I believe

I Belive that I will love Jon Bon Jovi till the day I day. LOL. Really! It has alraedy been too many years to count. Was '84 really that long ago?

Ok so, I believe:

• The Earth has a strength and a power that amazes me.
  
• Life itself is a miracle.
• Babies feet are absolutely YUMMY!
• So is chocolate.
• I will never ever stop loving my kids.
• But the two of them are planty enough for me.
• My dog is one of my best friends.
• Purple is my favorite color. (Today)
• My two cats, Ziggy and PJ are up in Heaven, or at the Rainbow Bridge and we will see each other today.
• That my son truly has a "guardian dragon."
• In reincarnation, and that I had died previously by drowning.
• That the summer is much nicer than the winter.
• That ghosts exist.
• That I would give my life for my kids.
  
• I would kill to protect them.
• But I am against the death penalty.
• We are polluting the Earth.
• That I have strong opinions.
• I should have been born a "real" blond.
• Faeries exist.
• A sense of humor is one of the best traits to have.
• Honesty is another.
• I cannot lie.
• And I am having fun writing this!
  

April 26, 2006

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Now isn't that a good question? I wish I knew. First of all, at 37, almost 38, I feel like I should be "grown up." But hell to the conventional train of thought. I am tired of resposibility. I want to "grow down." Or should that be "grow back?" At either rate, I want to add more of the "kidness" and innocense in my life.
To see the world though the eyes of a child, where everything is new and fresh- not jaded or tainted by memories and past expecations- that is something I wish for.

I have never considered myself traditional. I have always been a bit off the wall. So maybe I need to be a bit more of that.
I just found on my desk two plagues I had grabbed fromthe dollar store a while back. They say" Sing as thought no one can hear you" and "Dance as no one is watching you."
My goal should be to do these things each and every day, to help me "grow down."

Entry for April 27, 2006
What physical item can make or break your day? Or the day of someone else in your life?

There are a lot of little things that make my day a bit brighter (or not) on a small scale but there is one thing in my house that can truly change my mental state, my plans for the day, how I look, how I feel. It holds a power over my that literally is all encompassing. So what inthe world could hold this power over me? It is something so innocuous that almost every home has one. You see them in stores, in doctors offices, in gyms. So? What do you think it is?

The Scale.

This small piece of metal, plastic and digital inner workings has a power over me like a drug. And like a drug, I try hard to resist its pull. Some days I can- I am strong and confident. Other days, I am weaker and need to have that fix. Other days, I feel a need for punishment. perhaps I ate too much the day before, and I need to remind myself whay "That is Not Good."

I have come a long way in my addiction. I no longer "test" out the scales in stores, nor do I (usually) "verify" my own weight on scales in my friends' homes. But my own scale beckons me, entices me, makes me think...how did I do yesterday?

And sadly, the number on my scale can make or break my day. Two-tenths of a pound can change my out look slightly depending on the way it goes. One pound or more can be either devastating or uplifting.

One good thing is that I am more aware of its power over me, and that lessens the impact of what it whispers sneakily into my mind. Yet it is still there, always watching me, making me wonder what it has to say.

Why don't I just throw the damn thing out?

Good question.
One I simply cannot answer any more than describing "why" I feel the need to let it rule my days. But i have hope. I am able to resist the scale more and more often. Some day, I will be free of its influence.

Which quality best describes your life--exciting, organised, dull, etc? How would someone else describe it (like your children, a high school friend, random person on the street)?

This is one tough question.... I tend to be a private person in many respects. Only my few close freinds really know the inner me. So let me take a step back and see if I can describe me in an observer's eyes.

On the first glance, I bet I look happy and bubbly. I get the whole "bubbly" description a lot. I am petite, long blond curly hair and I tend to joke around a lot. I love having fun with my kids, so people will often see me chasing them around the playground, without a care in the world.

They would see an environmentally conscious person, one who cares deeply about our Earth. They would see the joy I get from being outside, either playing or working in my yard.

They would see a person who looks much younger than she is. Most people guess me to be ablout 10 years younger than I am. They see someone who dresses in junior's fashions, and seemingly full of energy.

And that is the part that I hide so well. I have so many cares and worries and so much confusion and instability in my life. Hubby has been on disability for two years and things are no better. The exhaustion I feel so deeply inside is kept away. The dark clouds are tucked inside of me. Very few people know of them and if they do, they seem amazed how "strong" I am.

Hah. I wish I was half as strong, half as happy, and half as energetic as I appear to be.