Are you pleased with what you look like? If you could change any part of yourself what would it be?
Oh this is such a tough one for me. Most people would look at me and say, How pretty, cute shape, etc. What they see, and what I see are two completely opposite things.
A huge part of my eating disorder (ed) is body dismorphia. That means that I have distorted "vision" of how I think I look. I look in the mirror and see rolls of fat, bags under my eyes, double chin...
Sadly, when my ed in in full swing, I hate-- truly despise-- just about everything about myself. My skin, my teeth, my weight, my blubber. On a good day, I can accept and occasionally even admire certain things about me. At those times, I like my hair, think I have a cute smile. But most days I hope for a neutrality towards myself.
If I could change something about my physical appearance today, it would be to tighten and tone all of my muscles, especially those in my thighs, hips and stomach. I hate my stomach! Ii recently started reading a book --oh who is the author- same woman who wrote the Vagina monologues-- Eve Ensler! about women hating there stomachs. It became too painful and soul searching and I put it down.
Maybe this is a signal I should try to read it again.
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5 comments:
Neutrality about appearances might be the best place to be. Caring too much one way or the other takes too much energy!! I'm with you, I definitely need to tone up too... badly. Don't think I hate my stomach but I can't see it that well anyways :)
I can't imagine what it must be like to have body dismorphia. We all have 'fat' days, but to have it be so overwhelming...I'm so inspired by the fact that you are willing to share about this part of your life and how you struggle. Thanks for an insightful post.
I can't see your photo bigger, but from your little one, you look really lovely, nice smile, great hair and your friendliness and sincerity comes through in it. I am sorry you have a tough time with your body image. I do think that most woman have issues with themselves and this is not fair as society has conditioned us that if we are not perfect we are not good enough. Also as for toning and firming, it can be done! It just takes work. I had a real jelly and gross stomach after the birth of my second and it is only now, a year and a half of gym and endless stomach crunches and classes that it is firm and toned. Don't give up!
i really hope your good days outweigh your bad days. body dismorphia cant be easy to deal with, so thanks for sharing your feelings.
I think you are so courageous to talk about your eating disorder. As a high school teacher, I'm extremely concerned about some of the girls I see. I worry that there is too much pressure on these young girls about their looks and appearance. I think when adults who have faced this can talk about it, it can really help those who aren't able to face it yet. Thank you so much for sharing.
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